A break from Normality

"Parents brawl at 9-year old's soccer game", Riverdale, NY, December 2, 2007

"Father, Uncle Charged with Beating Coach", Bellmore, NY, October 18, 2007

"Man Slugs Football Coach over Playing Time", Colts Neck, NJ, October 2, 2007

"Parent attacks two softball coaches", Phillipsburg, NJ, May 4, 2006.

"Parent attacks coach after daughter cut from team", Shaker Heights, OH, November 10, 2005.

"Father charged with threatening life of coach over son's playing time". Mills, MA, May 7, 2005.

"Father in custody after football coach/athletic director shot over sports dispute", Canton, TX, April 8, 2005.

Real headlines ... real sad.

What's happening in high school and youth sports is frightening. It's not so much the horrific stories of parents attacking coaches. That's extreme and rare, thankfully.

It's the parental interference that's going on every day with virtually every team in the country. It's enough to make all coaches ask: Is it worth it?

More and more, the answer is no.

Our children are the big losers.

Parental involvement today is beyond unbelievable. It's amazing what some parents want, or expect, for their children. Frankly, it's got to stop.

As someone at or near the frontline, I've been wittness to some ugliness over the years and it has gotten progressively worse.

It's up to school administrators—the superintendents, principals, athletic directors and board members—to lead the push. They can't buckle the first time an angry parent comes to them with a complaint. Physical or emotional abuse is one thing. But a dispute over playing time or what position a kid plays? The administrators need to make it clear they're behind their coach.

Administrators, however, can only do so much.

In the end, it's the meddling parents who have to regain their sanity. They have to realize they're hurting their children, not helping them.

Kids aren't dummies. They know who the better players are, who deserves to be the quarterback and the point guard, who should be the starters. In most cases, they can accept their coach's decisions. They're thrilled to be on a team. The benefits they get from it—discipline, dedication, teamwork, sacrifice—will help them the rest of their lives.

But then kids have to go home and listen to their parents.

"Why aren't you starting?"

"You're a lot better than Michael Jones ..."

"I'm not going to sit back and watch this lousy coach cost you a college scholarship."

It's sad, but true.

The parents look at their son and see a future NBA millionaire. The coach looks at the same kid and sees him for what he really is—a good person, a good student, a good team guy and a strong kid off the bench.

The parents end up confronting the coach or trying to get him fired. This doesn't just embarrass their son, it also doesn't do him any favors later in life. What will happen down the road, when he will applies to a college and is rejected? Or when he applies for a job and does not get it. What does he do then? Call mom and dad?

When will parents realize it was them and not the coach that cost their son or daughter a college scholarship, when 10 years ago they chose an athletic path over an academic one?

Is there really something wrong with a coach that makes your children run laps and requires discipline? Seton Hall baseball parents seemed to think so when they ran Mike Sheppard Sr. out of a job for being to tough on their kids and his coaching tactics. Sheppard finished at Seton Hall with a 998-540-11 record.

It's funny, most of the parents who complain weren't handed everything. But they want everything handed to their kids. Life doesn't work that way.

These parents remain the minority, but they are a powerful and noisy minority, like the loud-mouth at the game who clearly wants everyone to hear his or her voice.

How does it all end? I'm not really sure, but I can tell you this: the vocal minority can't be allowed to take control. The silent majority has to stand up and make itself heard.

Why would anyone endure this you ask? Why would they put in the time only to be rewarded with public harassment? It's simple really. They do it because they love their sport and love working with kids. There aren't many other places that you can have the impact on young people that you do on a field or a court. Many lives are changed for the better there. If some parents weren't so focused on one child, they might see it too.

When did it become bad to have a person with principles in an environment with so little?